i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
