You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
