shes about as inviting as chlamydia
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
