I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
