I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
