ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
