i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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