I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
