My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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