but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
