we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
