Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
