apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
