I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
