I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
