just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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