nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
