hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
