I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
