no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
