Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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