this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
