i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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