Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
