I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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