please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
