i just had sex bonerless
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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