I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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