Grow some girl-balls and come out already
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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