Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
