After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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