Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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