Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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