I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
