No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
