New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
