This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
