Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
