i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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