Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
