with your own penis?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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