You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
