I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
