Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
