If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
