as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
