Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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