I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
