dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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