Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
