im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Your dad touched me again.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
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Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
