Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
