Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
