my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
