The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
